Current mood:

calm

something to think about

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, insane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

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This is a tribute to the nice girls. The girls who laugh at your lame jokes, who don't play with your head or heart, who don't need to be wined and dined because they are happy just to be with you. The girls with the big hearts and small expectations. The girls who are never given much, but convince themselves it is more than they deserve. The girls who are seen as one of the guys, the little sisters, and the safe, no-pressure dates. The girls who wait around, hoping that one day they will be seen as something more.

*****Damn that paragraph

This is for the girls who don't flirt back with the cute guy in the band, because they are in a relationship, only to be stood up because their boyfriend went to a party at the cute mean girl's house.
This is for the girls who fall for cheap lines and insincere touches, because they are nice and trust other people to be nice, too. The girls who have been hurt because they've allowed mean guys into their hearts, and sometimes, beds. The girls who get their hopes up every time the guy they like glances their way or brushes against them, only to be pushed aside for the mean girl with the nice legs. This is for every girl who has heard time and time again, "I only like you as a friend," "You're too good for me," or the most crushing of all, "We know each other too well; it'd be like dating my sister."

This is for the time she listened to the long story of your latest girlfriend trauma, and talked you through it, while deep down she thought your girlfriend was a petty bitch. This is for the time you called her in a nervous wreck before prom and she explained to you what the difference between sky blue and baby blue was so you could get your girlfriend just the right corsage to match her gown. And this is for the time when that same girlfriend left the prom with another guy, so your nice girl danced with you the rest of the night.
This is for when you took that girlfriend back, and she told you she truly hoped things would work this time, because she wanted you to happy, even though at the same time she secretly wanted to smack you silly for overlooking the nice girl standing right in front of you.
This is for the time you offhandedly mentioned that you liked Seinfeld, and she gave you seasons 1-4 on DVD for Christmas.
This is for the time she rode her bike the 3 miles to your house in the rain to give you her history notes the night before a big test.
This is for all the times she assured you just how intelligent/funny/handsome/charming/kind/talented you are, whether or not you already knew it, because she knows that EVERYONE needs an ego-boost sometimes.

The nice girls are often taken taken for granted, because they're girls and girls are supposed to be nice. They say everything is okay when it really isn't, they hide their true feelings to avoid conflict, they wait until they are alone in their rooms to cry or scream or curse. They go through life, watching the mean girls win time and time again. They think it must be their fault, that there is some problem about themselves that must be changed, instead of realizing it is a problem with society.

I know what nice girls go through, because I am one. We nice girls put up with more than we should. It can be really draining, being nice all the time, and sometimes we slip a little bit. Every once in a while, we wish we could just be mean. But when all is said and done, no matter how often we are taken advantage of, we are still nice. That won't change, because nice girls are forever nice at heart.

Yes, mean girls are out there. They are everywhere. As a nice guy, it is your job to wade through the trash that humanity is littered with and find those nice girls who genuinely care and embrace them, stay true to them, and hopefully live happily ever after with a few obstacles along the way.

Because for every nice guy that finishes last, a nice girl will be waiting at the finish line to hand him a towel and a bottle of water, congratulate him, and let him know that he is seen and appreciated